It’s an incredible hard process to heal a heart fully. The good thing is that it’s flesh, right? So it doesn’t crack like a mirror where you can still see the cracks even if you piece it together. It’s flesh! I know, it’s still not going to be what it was before, but I am not worried about going back in time. The heart might appear a little scared and a little bruised after love and other disasters happens, but the stories that comes with that are worth our time. And as a leo, the only way I know how, is leading by the heart. The human heart is full of a lot of different things. I jokingly say that I’ve been struck by amors error over and over, but really, I don’t believe people to be mistakes. When I was 22 I realized that not only was I comfortable in pain, I found comfort within it. Because it was the option of things I felt like I could turn to, that was familiar to me. Because I knew what it was and I knew that pain wouldn’t change a lot suddenly, I found that I could befriend it. It had some qualities that I was craving and not finding elsewhere. That’s where my emo side emerged. Since this realization, I’ve in a very non-linear manner, tried to heal my heart. But it’s been very confusing. Luckily, I am a very, very, stubborn leo with other prominent fixed sign placements, including aquarius moon. My moon makes me question everything over and over and over. I’m rarely that interested in being completely sure of things anymore, because everything feels temporary to me, but the more I live in the sweet spot between listening to my intuition, my emotion and my logic, the gentler life is. Softness, I am craving it. Last week, while I was at Amager, riding on Silver, we were headed from the beach into the forest and a thought struck me. I don’t think I can really heal my heart until I look more closely at what my ego has got going on. Because in that moment I saw my ego as a layer around my soul’s body, and it looked like an amour. Amour is very heavy. It’s needed if you’re going into war, but what if I am not anymore? What if I just want to wear a silky Versace dress that hugs the boarders of my soul instead? Or just baggy sweatpants and a hoody? Healing is a chain of events. I can’t reach my heart as frequent as I probably need too, if I don’t work on my ego. And if I don’t listen to my inner child I won’t understand why my ego hasn’t transformed in full alignment with my other parts. I can’t fully be in deep connection with my inner child, if I’m not in some sort of understanding of my ancestors and the lineage behind that child. And in order to talk with my lineage, I have to go through miss universe. Another thing is, when I’ve been down there, in the deep deep, then I always take something back with me. Something that transmutes my approach to, for instance, having fun. I am not always fun. But when I manage to be, I know just how spiritual an act that it is. When I laugh, I allow my body to heal. Healing is intelligent. I think my heart heals a little bit every time I laugh unhinged. Because it means my inner child is present and taking up space and its guardians, peopple from my lineage is right behind the child. So now, I am currently living through what I call the summer of heartbreaks and laughter. I’ve had several of amors arrows hit my heart, and being pulled back out with no tangible care from the names written on them. I’ve learned to ask for help more and more, and I am becoming more comfortable sharing how I feel. There’s a lot of stuff I regret, but I am trying. Trying to heal my heart. Allow tears to flow. I could fill a champagne bottle with all the tears I’ve shed this summer, I really think so. But I could also swim in all the sweat I’ve shed from being on dance-floors with my friends, having the best sex of my life and doing pole, horse riding. I wonder when I will know that my heart is healed. Maybe I’m closer than what I think.